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bailey.'s Journal [entries|friends|calendar]

[ website | baby doll you are one thing that never made sense. Then agian nothing makes sense, oh what the hell do i know...I'm still a kid, i'll end trying to sound phylisophical right now....no now... ]
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[16 Jun 2008|02:33am]
trust, honestly - its something that doesn't come easy to most people in my life. i can't trust you, give you all ability to see me at my weakest moment if i know you're going to hurt me. i've come to realize that i give too much. i give give give, and get nothing in return. Im so tired of getting nothing in return, i wanna get something! really i do. i honestly, need to just give up. i've got to meet new people, i wanna be swept off my feet and made happy. sometimes i think i wish for too much. i want so little out of life, or maybe too much.

my bucket list
+ fall in love
+ pet a panda
+ travel the world
+ find happiness
+ help out third world countries
+ make someone the happiest in there life.
+ be known by my friends, not by fans
+ become the best person i can be
+ go to the alps
+ live in ireland for a year
+ buy an organic bed.
+ pet a shark
+ donate blood.

i want to do something with my life. i want to be happy. i want to fall madly in love.
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cause if i got you, i dont need money. [04 Jun 2008|03:51am]

i'm putting off writing something down, cause im not sure what exactly to say....there is a lot i could say...
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you can put the blame on me. [11 May 2008|07:36am]
My formula for living is quite simple. I get up in the morning and I go to bed at night. In between, I occupy myself as best I can

Lately, i've been going back and forth with these emotions. Oddly enough i'm done with giving people second chances when it comes to relationships, unless they REALLY prove to me they deserve it. He never did, and i let him RIGHT back in, just to have it feel like i was fighting to make it work and he wasn't; its over, and it feels SO RIGHT. However, i can't seem to just not feel as if he blames me for this second time not being "perfect." i think he holds some spite towards me, and just makes me feel like shit for living my life. I've tried for about 2/3 weeks to be his friend, and im done. I'm not trying anymore, and i couldn't be happier that i'm not. :]

New guys; are way better. not dating people is; amazing. its like with the label comes the stress. I'd seriously much rather have it this way than any other way for sure. I need to get my car back, and go to fields, and just be free again - for a while. I miss that feeling, i miss my OLD friends, and i know i fucked up by not keeping in-touch with them :/. However my new friends are pretty amazing, nothing will be the same though.
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[04 Apr 2008|11:26am]

So basically was a day of hurt. Anyway, onto my point; mike broke up with me yesterday. i honestly don't know how to feel about that. I thought i'd be okay with it, and every hour i am getting better at dealing with it. (: Spring break is coming up, i can't wait for it...No work, and all play. I'm for sure thats what its going to be. catch up with me !

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new. [09 Feb 2008|03:04pm]
new school; no long tech now Durant - way better

new hair

dont really like it but whateverrr

new shows

they say PEACE on the other size; im in love with them.

thats it,
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[19 Jan 2008|03:37pm]
life is too easy right now - how fucking amazing?

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You used to talk to me like i was the only one around [01 Jan 2008|08:29pm]
You used to lean on me like the only other choice was falling down. You used to walk with me like we had nowhere we needed to go, nice and slow, to no place in particular.
We used to have this figured out; we used to breathe without a doubt. When nights were clear, you were the first star that I'd see. We used to have this under control. We never thought. We used to know. At least there's you, and at least there's me. Can we get this back? Can we get this back to how it used to be?

I just realized today, how much i HAVEN'T written on here. It's been too long, and i just miss writing my thoughts, and things down somewhere with lyrics running through my head. it'll start happening more often - or atleast i'll try! So much has been going on, so much has been happening that hoenstly i dont know if i can take it all building up inside me. Driving is my only release anymore, and i'm restricted on that. About 3 or so months ago, i lost my bestfriend (Hollie), i dont know how or why but she just abandoned me out in the cold. I've gotten tougher since i first met her so i picked myself up, and moved on. I met AMAZING people, who have honestly stuck by me through everything. School is a lot of work, but seeing those people make my day brighter. I couldn't get through a NORMAL school day with out them, hell any SCHOOL DAY!

I used to reach for you when I got lost along the way. I used to listen. You always had just the right thing to say. I used to follow you. Never really cared where we would go, fast or slow, to anywhere at all.
We used to have this figured out; We used to breathe without a doubt. When nights were clear, you were the first star that I'd see. We used to have this under control. We never thought. We used to know. At least there's you, and at least there's me. Can we get this back? Can we get this back to how it used to be

My love life, is so screwy like i dont know any other way to explain it. I'm straight, but in love with a girl? make sense, only CERTAIN people can make sense out of that. So honestly, i dont know what to do about it. Like my head is pulling me on way, my heart is pulling me another, and my gut is split in half. I dont think i'm truly and honestly ready for a normal relationship. I mean a serious commited relationship , i doubt i'm ready for it. Gah - enough of that!!

I look around me, and I want you to be there 'cause I miss the things that we shared. Look around you. It's empty, and you're sad 'cause you miss the love that we had. You used to talk to me like I was the only one around, The only one around.
We used to have this figured out; We used to breathe without a doubt. When nights were clear, you were the first star that I'd see. We used to have this under control. We never thought. We used to know. At least there's you, and at least there's me. Can we get this back? Can we get this back to how it used to be? Yeah. To how it used to be. To how it used to be, yeah. To how it used to be. To how it used to be.

So basically you've been update don my life other than the family but seriously thats for a WHOLE different entry all in its own. trust me when i say, it'll take up your lifetime. <33

- bay.
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Let's just stop drop everything forget eachothers names and just walk away. [25 Aug 2007|08:05pm]
Turn around and head in different directions, Like we never, it's like we never knew each other at all. We said what we feel, then we stop ourselves, And just walk away. Never looking back, Loving every second of it, we just walk away.

Have you ever been with someone you thought was amazing, had doubts broke it off, and now realize that was the stupidest mistake of your life? Yeah, i've been feeling like that a lot lately. Yay for emotions; i'm over them. I wish it were my senior year, so i can get the hell out of here. :/ I can't wait for spring break; hello newyork! i'm going to ask my mom if hollie can come with us. I'll need her with me, since we plan on going to NYU together!!! I don't know, i need a break from summer, thats for sure.

This is probably the best, not to mention the worst idea,that I have ever had. Ignoring what we've felt, Overlooking what we've done, No awkward silences, no hiding any truths Ignoring what we've felt, Overlooking what we've done, What do you say?

SUMMERS OVER; hello reality. Schoolwork 24/7. I think today i finally realized what is going to be expected of me this year; can i really live up to the expectations of others? i don't think i can do it. I need a little less expectations, and a little more freedom. Am i making any sense? what so ever. Through my 3 years of highschool, i've lost so many "friends" but i've never lost hollie, or nick? i think that says something. We all change as we get older, no matter how much any of us change...we're still there for eachother.

Back to New Years Eve; that band is gooodd:]
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let music lead your way. [16 Jun 2007|10:12pm]
Okay, so this weekend has been full of surprises. I hate it, the wigand family has decided to spend their weekend at my house. I hate the family they cause nothing but drama, they are a waist of time. Summer, is taking forever...i miss my friends:/. Good thing though Friday, the best friend I've ever had came & saw me on Friday. It was good:] lol. Other than the fact that my brother was a douche-bag to her; cause she's dykey(very). Anyways, August 20th is a dreadful day; thats when school starts and yet again i deal with teachers. Volunteering is taking up a few hours in my day, not much but enough:].
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.... [09 Jun 2007|02:16pm]
So i have YET to figure out, WHY i'm taking classes during the summer? Yeah, don't ask why. Like i just said, i don't know:/ Anyways, this week has been eventful, actually all of summer has been eventful. I've done anything & everything i could think of.

I already know my classes for next year, great huh? i'm such a nerd when it comes to this stuff. AP american history, AP psychology, algebra2 honors, anatomy and phsyology(sp?) honors, french 2, health science 2, and intensive reading; cause i didn't pass our fcats( florida aptitude test you need to pass to graduate). Yeah, my report card consisted of 5 b's and 2 c's:] yay! for baylee.

My exams were good, all 4 b's, 2 c's, and 1 f(ugh), but a passing f[above 50%] lol. When i said that too my mom, she looked at me and was like 'whats a passing f?' GPA is no longer a 1.8(like last year), now its a 2.6 not much better:/ but almost a 3.0:]. I don't care as long as a graduate w/ above a 3.0 i'm happpyyy:]] hah.

Anyways, i'm volunteering at the hospital on Wednesdays & Thursdays! hell yeahhh:]]]. Surgical Services + Mother/Baby unit. That i am pretty stoked about. However, i've gotta tear myself away from the computer & play some video games. <33
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